apparently the secret to your success is patron
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Found the puke drawer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
