she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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