We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
