Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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