she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
