So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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