I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
