Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
