i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
