Sponge bath it is.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
