The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
