Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
