white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
