I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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