ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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