dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
