yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had sex on a roof
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
