the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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