Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
