Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
