There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
