I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
