you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
