Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we're making bets on your personal life
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My vagina is very pro this idea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
