I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
