I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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