"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
