I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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