hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need moral support for this bender
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
