Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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