We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
