wrigley field is MILF paradise
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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