Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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