I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
