it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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