it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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