I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Someone signed my nipple.
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