Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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