i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
