Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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