Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
