What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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