Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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