would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
