The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
