All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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