He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
