I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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