dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
