i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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