Got a toothbrush?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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