I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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